It's Just a Spark but It's Enough
by Shortyem
Summary: Sometimes it's hard to remember it gets better. That was certainly true for Beca after her mother's tragic death. Can mandatory visits to a Depression support group change her views on life or is she really too far gone to be saved? A certain redhead seems to think she can be and won't give up until Beca does too. AU fic. *Trigger Warning* Eventual Bechloe. Rated T for now.
1. Down

**A/N: **Well... I have no idea were this came from but here it is. I got rid of the Letters to Grandma story because I just wasn't feeling it. Instead I think this is going to be my 'darker' story. This is also going to be an AU story just like Just Take My Hand, Don't Let Go. This is a high school story though for sure. I definitely want to show more of Beca's back story in this. Also I've read, or I am currently reading, a few fanfics where every chapter was inspired by a different song. I tried this once before and failed miserably at it so I'm deciding to try again but not limit myself to one artist. I will continue this is the demand is there. I don't want to pour all of my time into a story that no one is reading, ya know?

Anyways let me know what you're opinion is of this. Feedback is always appreciated so long as it's in a constructive manner and not just bagging on the writing. If you're going to be a dick about I'm not going to listen. Simple as that.

As always I own nothing but the plot to this story. All rights to the movie and it's characters belong to Kay Cannon and Universal Studios. I also use the lyrics to the song _Down _by Jason Walker and the title for this chapter comes from that same song and all the rights go to him. Also the title of this comes from my favorite Paramore song of all time, _Last Hope_. I HIGHLY recommend giving it a listen because it's honestly one of those songs that is the reason I keep going sometimes. And of course, I don't own the rights to those lyrics either.

I don't really go into detail here as far as the self-harm aspect is concerned but I'm still putting a **TRIGGER WARNING** in here because it only takes a little snowball to create an avalanche, so to speak.

Anyways, I hope you have a marvelous day or evening and enjoy the read.

* * *

_**I don't know where I'm at**_

_**I'm standing at the back**_

_**And I'm tired of waiting**_

_**Waiting here in line, hoping that I'll find what I've been chasing.**_

_**I shot for the sky**_

_**I'm stuck on the ground**_

_**So why do I try, I know I'm gonna to fall down**_

_**I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?**_

_**Never know why it's coming down, down, down.**_

* * *

Beca watched as crimson red liquid cascaded smoothly down her porcelain white skin. The contrast between white and red was actually quite beautiful to look at, in her opinion anyways. That wasn't the reason she originally did it but that didn't mean she couldn't stop to appreciate beauty when she saw it. Especially when it was the last beautiful thing she was going to see ever.

Shutting her eyes, she let her head fall back against the head-board behind her. This was it. She was nearing the end. She could finally understand what people were talking about when they say that death has a calming effect on people. This was probably the most calm she had felt in a long time, if ever. There was just something... cathartic about knowing that the end was coming and that after it was all over there would be no more pain, no more suffering. Lord knows she's been through fair share of suffering in her short, young life. The abandonment from her father at age eight, the death of her mother in a car accident when she was 15, and then having to be ripped away from all of her friends (not that she had very many to begin with) and move in with her deadbeat father a month later. Yeah, she was definitely ready to just be done with the world.

Just as the room around her began to fall silent and she felt herself falling into a heavy (and permanent) sleep, she heard the sound of someone shouting. She couldn't make out who it was or what they were saying but at this point she just didn't care. She was almost there, almost rid of this miserable existence they called life. Soon she would be forever asleep. Pain and misery would no longer bother her and she could finally be at ease. Taking one last deep breath, she exhaled and let her body relax. The next thing she knew all she saw was black.

_Six hours later_

Beca opened her eyes to a bright white (rather obnoxious) light. If this was the light they were talking about when people died it wasn't very pleasant. She went to move and suddenly every sense in her body came alive. Especially the pain that she felt shoot from her wrists up. She wasn't dead. She was very much the opposite in fact. How could this have happened though? She felt death's gentle embrace encompass her tiny body. How could she possible be awake, or better yet alive right now? Closing her eyes again she racked her brain for answers. She had been so close, she was right there. What happened?

As she thought back to her near death experience nothing she remembered gave her any answers. That was until the very last thing seconds before everything went black. Someone had been yelling. At the time she hadn't bothered to care but now she did. Furrowing her brows she tried hard to recall what the person had been yelling.

_"Beca! Beca! Wake up!"_ It was hazy but the words were definitely coming back.

_"Someone call 911!"_ The person then shouted. She recognized the voice now. It was Phil, her father. She then heard, or remembered hearing, footsteps come running down the hall.

_"What's going on?"_ She heard a female voice ask. It was definitely Shelia, her step-mother.

_"Shelia call an ambulance!"_ Phil shouted, his voice cracked with what she assumed were tears. _So now he cares_, Beca thought bitterly.

The was the last thing she could remember before blacking out completely. So that was how she ended up where she was. It was all her asshole father's fault. He always seemed to ruin Beca's life in the most drastic of ways. Why did a deadbeat asshole like him even exist?

"Hello there Beca." She heard a kindly sounding man say. Reluctantly she opened her eyes and was greeted by the sight of a dark-haired, dark-skinned, doctor. She didn't reply, only glared at him.

"My name is Dr. Harris. Do you know why you're here?" He asked, getting closer to her.

"Yeah. My parents had sex one night and nine months later I popped out." She replied sarcastically. He laughed at the response.

"I see your sense of sarcasm is still in tact." He joked, taking out a pen from his jacket pocket.

"And I see you're still here." Beca mumbled in response.

After he asked her a bunch of questions and did a routine check-up he departed and Beca breathed a sigh of content. Finally, she was alone. Well she was alone for all of ten minutes. She heard a knock on her door and opted to remain silent in hopes that whoever it was would go away. Instead she saw the balding head of her father peek out from the behind door and a hesitant smile grazed his lips upon seeing she was awake.

"Hey Becs." He greeted softly, as if she was tiny and delicate and a loud noise would break her.

"That's Beca to you. What do you want Phil?" His smile immediately fell at her cold greeting.

"I just came to see how you were doing. You really scared me Becs."

"Again, it's Beca and you don't have a right to be concerned. You weren't when you left so you don't get to be now." She sneered, her eyes never meeting his and her tone harsh and cold.

"Beca I know I messed up! That doesn't mean I stopped caring about you. I tried really hard to fix thing between us! I'm still trying now! Please, don't shut me out." She whipped her head in his direction.

"Fuck off Phil! Just leave me alone!" She screeched. His disappointment showed visibly as he nodded his head in defeat and quietly exited her room. Beca felt the tears stinging at the brim of her eyelids. Inhaling sharply she used every ounce of resolve she had and fought back the tears. She did all of her crying a month ago. That was the last time she was going to breakdown. It would have been for certain if her stupid father hadn't of stopped the inevitable. Whatever, so it was one failed attempt. She'd just try again when she was home. No doubt she'd be watched pretty heavily for a while and they would probably have all of the "dangerous" objects locked away somewhere in the house. That didn't matter to her though. They can't watch her every second of the day and a knife isn't the only way she could kill herself. She was ready to die, therefore she was going to die. One way or another. If she played her cards right and made everyone believe she was doing better than they would back off, give her some breathing room. That's when she would make her move. She'd find any way she could to execute her plan and then do so. So she may have to wait a few months in order for it to happen. that was a small price to pay in the end.

She was released into her father's care a day later under supervision and with a promise to return twice every week for a month to attend some group therapy type thing. Of course Beca would never have actually agreed to that. Her father did. Still, if she wanted people to believe she was getting better and have her plan ultimately work she would need to at least make it look like she was trying.

When Beca and her father arrived at his house Shelia greeted the pair warmly before heading back into the kitchen to make dinner. Beca blew both her and her father off as she headed straight towards her room. She wasn't in the mood to deal with either of them. In all honesty she was still kind of tired. Stripping out of the clothes her dad had brought for her to change into, she slipped into a pair of basketball shorts and a black tank top before burrowing under her comforter for a nap.

She awoke an hour later to her father calling her name from downstairs. Covering her head with her pillow, she tried her best to ignore the man and go back to sleep. It was useless however as moments later the older man appeared in her doorway bellowing her name as if it was a war cry.

"WHAT!?" She shouted, shooting up in her bed.

"Dinner's ready so wash up and come downstairs." He replied calmly.

"I'm not hungry." She muttered before laying back down and covering herself with the blanket again.

"Well too bad. You need to eat to regain your strength." He stated simply.

"Fuck off Phil."

"Now you listen here young lady! Either you come down stairs and eat or I-"

"You'll what Phil? Just up and leave me one night without explanation then call me three years later to try and get me to understand that what you did had to be done and just expect me to forgive you?" Beca scoffed before continuing.

"Just leave me alone Phil." She was emotionless as she spoke, not wanting him to know just how much he had broken her when he left. Not letting him know just how far down she had fallen and no matter how hard she tried she never seemed to be able to pick herself back up.

"Beca I said I was sorry! I know I messed up okay? I hurt both you and your mom. But how am I suppose to make it up to you when you won't even let me in?"

"I don't want your apologies! I don't want anything to do with you! I just want you to leave me alone and stop trying!" She then shouted, her emotions getting the better of her. She saw the hurt wash over his face and she got a sick sense of satisfaction in knowing she hurt him. Even if it was only a little she took joy in knowing he was in some kind of pain.

"If that's really what you want then fine. I'll back off... but don't you think for a second that I will stop trying Beca. I will do whatever it takes to get my little girl back. That's a promise Beca." He stated as he exited her room, closing the door behind him. _Go ahead and try. I won't be around for long._

After he left Beca managed to go back to sleep. She only woke up a little while later when her stomach refused to be quiet. Carefully she opened the door to her bedroom and peeked out into the hall. All the lights were off so Beca assumed everyone was asleep. Quietly she tiptoed down to the kitchen. She made her way over to the fridge. As she looked inside she found a plate of food already made and wrapped in saran wrap with a note on top of it. Beca took the plate out and read the note.

_Dear Beca,_

_I saved you a plate of food because I figured you'd wake up and be hungry. Anyways I also saved the last piece of cake for you from your father. It's white with chocolate frosting. Help yourself to anything if you don't want any of that. If you need anything don't be afraid to come wake your father or I up. See you in the morning Beca_

_~ Shelia_

As much as Beca hated this woman for ruining her family she couldn't deny that the woman wasn't THAT terrible. She did after all save food for Beca, including a piece of cake.

Beca ate her leftover meal (which was actually not that bad) in silence before heading back upstairs to her room. She still felt exhausted from her adventures and just wanted to go back to sleep. The minute she reached her bed and lay her head on the pillow she was asleep.


	2. Boulevard of Broken Dreams

**A/N: **I didn't know I could write so fast! I got the idea for this chapter last night while I was trying to sleep and couldn't fall asleep until it was finished!

I made Beca kind of an ass in this chapter so be fair warned. She's just a straight up bitch. Granted, some people think that of her now anyways but shes' definitely more so in this chapter. But she has a point.

Anyways as always I own nothing but the plot. All rights to the characters from the movie belong to Kay Cannon and Universal Studios. The song this chapter is influenced by and named after is _Boulevard of Broken Dreams_ by Green Day and all rights to those lyrics belong to them.

As always have a lovely day or evening and enjoy the read. (Also feedback is very much appreciated.)

* * *

**_I walk a lonely road_**

**_The only one that I have ever known_**

**_Don't know where it goes_**

**_But it's home to me and I walk alone_**

**_I walk this empty street_**

**_On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams_**

**_When the city sleeps_**

**_And I'm the only one and I walk alone _**

**_I walk alone_**

**_I walk alone_**

**_I walk alone_**

**_I walk a..._**

**_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me_**

**_My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating_**

**_Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me_**

**_'til then I walk alone_**

* * *

It was a week later when Beca had her first "support group" meeting. The group was just a cliché and stupid as Beca had predicted it would be. There was nine of them, 10 if you counted the counselor or therapist or whatever. They all sat in a large circle. Beca opted to sit farthest away from the shrink as possible, so she sat across from her. Beca actually sat just outside of the circle. She didn't want to be close to any of the people in the group, both physically and metaphorically. She just wanted to get this stupid therapy thing out of the way as fast as possible so she could get back home and go back to sleep. That's all she wanted to do these days was sleep. She didn't even work on her music anymore. She just didn't have the drive or inspiration.

"Okay everyone let's begin! Like always I just want everyone in the circle to state their name and share a fact about themselves with us." Doc Shrink, that was the nickname Beca had assigned to the woman, said

"I'll start. Hello everyone, I'm Dr. Williams and my favorite flavor of ice cream is Mint Chocolate Chip." Doc Shrink said. Next was the elderly looking man to her right. Beca quickly zoned out and before she realized it, it was her turn.

"Young lady!" She heard the doctor say loudly but kindly, bringing Beca out of her stupor.

"Beca," was the only thing Beca was willing to share. Dr. Williams looked at her expectantly. After a few awkward seconds of staring Beca had had enough.

"What!?" She asked rather harshly.

"You didn't share a fact about yourself." The doctor informed.

"Thanks but I'll pass." Beca declared and she crossed her arms over her chest and slouched down in her chair.

"Everyone else before you did it." The woman said as if that was suppose to mean something to her.

"Yeah well I ain't everyone." Beca stated matter-of-factly.

"Are you saying that you're better than everyone else here?" Beca could tell from the tone of the doctor's voice that she was testing her. Beca didn't care, she was going to take the bait. This place was far to boring anyways.

"If I thought that I wouldn't be here now would I?" Beca heard a few gasps and saw some people's eyes widen but she could give two fucks less right now. She had a challenge to win.

"So what you're saying is you think you're less than everybody else?" This lady was beginning to piss Beca off. Even though she knew every question was a test she still couldn't resist the urge to reply back with a snarky comment.

"What I'm sayin' is this place is a waist of my time." Beca answered.

"That wasn't really answering my question Beca." Beca took a deep breath to compose herself. She was better than this twat and she knew it. She was the master of snappy comebacks and sarcastic quips. This lady had no idea who she was messing with.

"No, I don't think I'm less than everyone else." She answered, trying a little harder than normal to be calm.

"So then why won't you just share a fact about yourself with us?" Aaaaand there it is. The whole reason this conversation started.

"Because it's a free country last time I checked and that means I don't have to if I don't want to." Beca smirked. She had this in the bag.

"Very true. But you do realize that by not sharing this fact now you're only hurting yourself in the end." Dr. Williams said before moving on to the next group member.

Beca felt her anger boiling up for the whole rest of the 'therapy' session. It was as if someone put her on to boil and once she had all that was left was to sit and simmer. Three people had shared already and they were finally on the last one. A petite blonde who couldn't have been much taller than Beca. She stood and reintroduced herself to the group. Her name was Sarah. Beca only half listened as the girl recounted why she was there and the problems she was facing now. Apparently her parents had kicked her out if the house when she was sixteen because she got pregnant and she had to go live with her grandmother. Then all Beca heard was that she had to give the kid up for adoption and how she became depressed and suicidal afterwards. It wasn't until she talked about what saved her did Beca really begin to listen.

"I was sitting on the ledge of the roof of my apartment building one night. Normally I go up there to think because being that high up is calming and peaceful and helps me clear my head of the bad thoughts I sometimes get. That night nothing seemed to be calming me down though. I just kept thinking how nice it would be to just jump and end it all. Just stop all the pain all at once, you know? I had just worked up the courage to do it when I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder. Frightened and a little upset that someone had interrupted me I gazed up to see who it was. It was my cute neighbor in 4A. It turns out he goes up there to smoke since it's not allowed in the building itself and when he saw me he knew what I was thinking about doing. After that we talked for hours before we eventually had to go back inside and part ways. We agreed to grab lunch the next day and from there we just became really good friends. That was until he asked me out and I said yes. Now we're actually engaged and we plan on getting married in the fall. His friendship and kindness is what saved me and I honestly don't know where I would be without him." The girl finished and it took all Beca had not to scoff and make a snide remark. Doesn't she know there's no such thing as a happy ending? In the end he'll leave her. Either in the driver's seat of a car or inside of a casket. He was going to leave her because forever doesn't exist. That or she'd leave him. That was just the way the world worked. It was a constant cycle of people coming and going and nobody stayed forever. The sooner these people realized that the better.

"Beca, you look like you have something you want to say." Dr. Williams singled her out, obviously noticing Beca's disapproving face.

"Nope. I leave that all up to you Doc." She answered sarcastically.

"Are you sure… because your face tells me there's something you want to say." She tried again.

"If I wanted to say it out loud I would now wouldn't I?"

"Maybe, maybe not. I'm just calling it like I see it." The woman stated. Beca wasn't sure what it was about this woman that got under her skin but she couldn't stop herself from saying what she said next.

"You know what? You're right. There is something I want to say." Beca then directed her steely blue glare at Sarah.

"He's going to leave you." She stated plainly, her arms still crossed over her chest.

"What?!" Sarah choked out.

"Yeah, he's going to leave you. Just like Dr. Shrink's sister left her, or Jim Bob-"

"It's Frank!" The man who Beca had addressed interrupted.

"Just like Jim Bob's wife left him or my mother left me. He's going to leave. It's what people do. They leave. Be it by choice or by some horrible and dramatic death, people leave. The sooner you all realize that the better off you all are." Beca was being beyond blunt. She was just a club at this point. A club bashing wildly at everyone and everything in sight.

"That's quite enough Ms. Mitchell!" Dr. Williams exclaimed, now standing. Beca smirked slightly. This round went to her.

"You can go and wait out in the hall!" The woman ordered.

"Finally! With pleasure!" Beca groaned before standing and grabbing her bag.

"Wait!" Beca turned around to see a redhead, Claire? No that wasn't it…China? No that wasn't right either.

"Chloe," CHLOE! It was Chloe.

"No it's okay. I have something I want to say." Chloe said, her surprisingly captivating icy blue glare holding Beca where she was.

"While I'll agree that people do leave eventually I don't think Marcus will leave Sarah. At least not in the way you're talking about. They're too close, too connected for him to just leave. He loves her. That kind of bond isn't just broken overnight. Not everybody leaves. At least not before their time. Some people are just meant to be together. To have each other for as long as they live. Even if it's only as friends. They are meant to be friends and be together until the end because that's how it was predetermined to be." The redhead finished and looked at Beca expectantly.

"I'm sure my mom would like to disagree with you… if she could that is. She can't though because SHE LEFT! Just like I said. People leave, be it in a bloodied body bag or a souped up Lamborghini. Nobody sticks around for the encore." Beca said before turning and exiting the room. She waited (rather impatiently) as all of the group members filed out of the room. Some shot her dirty glares, others just ignored her completely. She flipped off a few of them in response. It wasn't like she cared what these people thought of her anyways. People had been judging her whole life. She was used to it by now.

"Beca, a word." Dr. Williams said after the last patient had left. Beca begrudgingly drug herself back into the room before plopping down into one of chairs awaiting the upcoming lecture.

"That was quite the show you put on today." She said.

"I had to entertain myself somehow." Beca answered, being extremely cavalier.

"Look Beca I'm not going to beat around the bush here. Most, if not all, of the members of the group don't want you to come back. If it weren't for Chloe you would be kicked out by now. But she said everyone deserves a second chance and I agree. So you can come back on Wednesday but you can't be pulling the crap you pulled today. You're already on a short leash now and pulling another stunt like you did today isn't going to fly."

"Fuck that! I'd rather sit at home and watch shitty daytime television!"

"Need I remind you that you agreed to this as part of your release. You can either come here for a few hours a day twice a week or you can be put under 24 hour surveillance in the psych ward at the hospital. Your choice." Beca groaned. _Well played Doc, well played._

"All right fine. I'll behave." Beca hated backing down but she still had a goal at the end of the day. Get the hell out of this place.

After Beca was released she headed to the front doors of the building. Once she was outside she looked around for her father. Of course, he was nowhere to be found. This was just like her childhood all over again. More than pissed she began an angry stomp back to her father's. She didn't get very far before she heard someone calling out her name. She turned around to see who it was and scoffed while rolling her eyes. It was that freaking redhead.

"Hey!" The girl greeted warmly.

"What do you want? I got a long walk home and you're stalling it."

"I have to walk home too. We could walk together if you want?"

"Thanks but no thanks. I walk alone." Beca then started walking again. This girl couldn't seem to get the hint though as she trailed alongside Beca.

"You don't have to walk alone ya know?" The girl stated. Beca thought about it for a moment.

"You know what, you're right. I don't actually walk alone. You see that?" Beca pointed to the ground.

"See what? Your shadow?"

"Yes. That is the only thing I let walk with me. Now if you'll excuse us, were hungry and our father's house isn't getting any closer with us standing here talking to you." Beca responded harshly before once again marching away. When Beca didn't see or hear the girl for awhile she thought that the redhead had finally gotten the message.

"You know, you might enjoy life more if you were less grumpy all the time." She heard from her right. She jumped and faced the owner of the voice. It was the redhead… again!

"Jesus! Can't you take a hint!? GO AWAY!" Beca shouted, arms flailing spastically. The girl looked like she was in deep thought upon hearing this before she responded.

"Nope. I think I'd rather follow you." She had a smirk on her face and Beca didn't quite understand it but she found that she was actually beginning to like this redhead. Only a little though. She had gull that was for sure.

"Look… Chloe right?" The girl nodded enthusiastically.

"I walk alone. It's just easier okay? Now go bother some other poor sap." Beca was beyond fed up with this strange redhead but she was strangely not really trying her hardest to get rid of her.

"Well Beca, the way I look at it you have two options," how did this turn around on her?

"You can either accept the fact that I'm walking home with you or you can be annoyed as I walk with you anyways." If Beca wasn't worried about encouraging this obviously insane woman she would be smirking right now.

"Whatever." Beca mumbled and once again resumed her pace. The two walked in moderately awkward silence. Beca could tell Chloe was surprised by how fast she could walk. She didn't need to know that Beca was walking faster than she actually walked trying to get rid of the ginger. Occasionally Chloe would ask a question and if it was too personal or something stupid Beca didn't answer. Eventually Chloe realized Beca wasn't going to answer any of her questions because she thought all of the questions were stupid or personal and instead opted to let Beca ask questions.

"Okay, I have one. Why did you tell Doc Shrink to let me stay? It's obvious no one wants me there and I don't want to be there… so why did you help me?"

"Because like I told Dr. Williams, everyone deserves a second chance."

"All you did was prolong the inevitable." Beca stated.

"Maybe. At least I can say I tried." Chloe said absent-mindedly. Before the conversation could go any further they finally reached Beca's house.

"Well, this has been… awful. Thanks for intruding on my solo walk." Beca said as she started the trek up the front steps of the house.

"Wait! Will I see you on Wednesday?!" She heard Chloe call out behind her.

"Maybe!" Beca threw over her shoulder.

"Well can I have your number!?"

"Nope!" Beca shouted before disappearing into her house.

"Hello dear. How was your meeting?" Sheila greeted Beca at the door.

"Just fucking peachy. Where the hell is Phil!"

"He had a meeting today. Why?"

"Because he told me he'd pick me up! Just proves some things never change." Beca stated dryly before brushing past her step-mother and up to her bedroom.

Plopping down onto her bed, she took a deep breath before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.


	3. Last Resort

**A/N:** Here is Ch.3. It definitely has it's light and dark moments. Over all I think I did all right though.

Let me know what you think, if you have any suggestions as to what you'd like to see or a song I could possibly use or you'd like to see used. The lyrics don't have to be just dark either. I'm looking for hope filled ones too!

Anyways, as always the only thing I own is the plot. The characters belong to Kay Cannon and Universal Studios. The song used in this chapter is _Last Resort_ by Papa Roach and the right belong to them.

As always have a lovely day or evening and enjoy.

***TRIGGER WARNING* **Self harm is very prominent in this chapter so be for warned.

* * *

**_I've reached my last resort, suffocation, no breathing_**

**_Don't give a fuck if I cut my arms bleeding_**

**_Do you even care if I die bleeding?_**

**_Would it be wrong, would it be right?_**

**_If I took my life tonight,_**

**_Chances are that I might_**

**_Mutilation out of sight_**

**_and I'm contemplating suicide_**

**_'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind_**

**_Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_**

**_Losing my sight, losing my mind_**

**_Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_**

* * *

Beca went to her second support group meeting that Wednesday and managed to at least make it through without getting into trouble again. Two weeks later she started her sophomore year of high school. It was just as she expected it would be, awful. People stared at her, ignored her, ran into her, you know, the usual. Thankfully her last hour of the day was a free period so she could just sit in the library and avoid people until it was time to leave.

She was just getting her stuff ready when she she felt someone sit down next to her at the library table.

"Hey you!" She heard. Turning her attention toward the source of the voice, she was less than surprised to find the bubbly redhead from her support group sitting next to her. _Of course she would be a high schooler._

"Stalking me now?" Beca asked with a smirk.

"I went here first. Technically you're stalking me." She retorted, a grin of her own forming on her lips. Beca couldn't help but laugh at that.

"Touché." Beca responded then stood. Her stuff all packed.

"Are you walking?" Chloe asked almost to excitedly.

"Maybe." Beca answered plainly. Hoping that by some unseen force the girl would just leave it alone. Of course she didn't.

"I'll walk with you."

"What part of "I walk alone" didn't you understand the first time?" Beca still couldn't understand why this girl was so keen on bothering her but it was beginning to annoy her.

"The part where you thought I would actually listen to you." She quipped. Beca smirked at hearing this. Okay so maybe she didn't find this girl to be COMPLETELY annoying.

"Whatever." Beca scoffed after quickly schooling her features and rolling her eyes.

Just as predicted the girl followed her closely as Beca made her way through the halls to the front of the school.

"So are you going tonight?" Chloe asked after five minutes of silence.

"It's not like I have much of a choice." She muttered.

"Everyone has a choice." The redhead said as if reminding her of something important.

"Not if I don't want to end up in a psych ward I don't." Beca retorted sarcastically.

"Is that why you joined the group?"

"Do you really think I'd be there if I didn't have to be?" Beca asked shooting the redhead a questioning look.

"Well you did make your first meeting… entertaining."

"Yeah what's up with those things anyways? They're SOOO boring. How can you guys stand it?"

"It's not boring Beca. It's therapeutic! Share tonight and you'll see!" She exclaimed.

"Thanks but I'll pass. Sharing isn't really my thing."

"Then what is?" She inquired. Beca needed to think of something to redirect the conversation away from her and fast.

"Puppies." She replied with a lie. In reality she was actually allergic to dogs. Chloe didn't need to know that though.

"Oh my god really!? I love dogs! Especially puppies!" _Good job on the diversion Beca_, she mentally high-fived herself.

"Do you have any dogs?" She heard Chloe ask.

"Nope." Beca answered giving an extra pop to the p.

"Well you can come to my house sometime then! I have a dog named Snowden. She's a sweetheart!" Chloe all but squealed as she tugged at Beca's arm. Beca cringed at the contact and at the high pitch of Chloe's voice.

"Thanks but no thanks. Also, Snowden? What kind of a name is that?!"

"Don't judge it! When I was little I was always coming up with these weird names and with my own words for things. So when we got Snowden and I saw she was all white I immediately knew I wanted her name to be Snow. But that wasn't original enough for me so I added the den part so that she would have her own unique name!" Chloe explained.

"Sounds fascinating." Beca said as they exited through the front doors of the school. There was already buses and parents in cars waiting outside.

"You know it's kind of a long walk from here. I could call my mom and she could give you a ride." Beca knew she was trying to make it sounds like a statement but it came out as more of a question.

"Thanks but no thanks. I like the walk. It's… therapeutic as you put it."

"But it's like an hour walk from here!" Chloe exclaimed.

"An hour and a half actually. It's five miles from here to my dad's house." Beca clarified.

"Okay first, how do you know that? Second, you'd rather walk that instead of getting a ride?!" Beca had to smile at the shocked face Chloe was making.

"I used to walk everywhere when I lived with my mom and she lived in a city much bigger than this one. Walking here is like taking a stroll compared to where I used to live. And I know how many miles it is because I Googled it. You can find practically anything on Google. In fact if you can't find it on Google it doesn't exist." Beca replied. Chloe laughed at hearing this and Beca couldn't help but smile back.

"I don't think I've ever heard that before but you have a point." She said while still giggling.

"Of course I do. Keep hanging out with me and you'll find that I'm always right." Beca remarked without thinking about what she was saying. The moment she shut her mouth however she immediately berated herself for letting her guard down, even if it was only for a second. She wasn't sure what it was but this redhead made it extremely easy for her to forget about always being guarded and just be... well just be herself.

"No one's ever 100% right all the time." Chloe stated.

"Google is." Beca found herself responding.

"Nuh uh! Even Google gets it wrong sometimes!" Chloe joked. Beca stopped walking upon hearing this. When Chloe noticed Beca was no longer by her side she too stopped and looked for her. When she gazed back and saw Beca standing there with a completely horrified expression on her face she panicked a little.

"What?!" She questioned hastily.

"You just insulted Google!" Beca gasped. Chloe visibly relaxed and even laughed a little.

"I didn't insult Google. I simple stated a fact." She clarified. Beca only shook her head.

"Nope. You most definitely can NOT walk with me now!" Beca exclaimed and once again began walking. Chloe couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"You're such a drama queen." She teased.

"Bitch please! Fuck being the queen! I'm the King of Drama! I'm a drama king!" Beca declared proudly, causing Chloe to laugh loudly. The two then began the long trek towards Beca's house.

About 10 minutes in it occurred to Beca that this was the second time Chloe had in a sense "walked her home" and yet Beca didn't actually know where it was the fiery haired maiden lived.

"So you know this is the second time you've stalked and followed me to my house but I actually have no idea where you live. I mean do you even live by me or do you really just trail beside me until I go inside and then have your mother come and pick you up and take you home?" Beca interrogated.

"You caught me! How did you do it so fast?!"

"Google." Beca replied very seriously. This caused the ginger to burst out in a loud but somehow extremely sexy (wait what?) laugh.

"But seriously I do live by you. I live a block over in the white house on the corner." Chloe answered after she caught her breath and settled down some.

"How cliché." Beca commented.

"Hey! It's a nice house actually. You'll just have to come over and see for yourself." She said.

"That's the second time in a 30 minute period that you've invited me to your house. You must really want to get in my pants huh?" Beca had to try extremely hard to not laugh at Chloe's face. She blanched before her cheeks turned red and her jaw fell open slightly.

"OhmygodnothatisSOnotwhyIinvitedyouover! If that's the impression you got I'm so-"

"Woah there Red slow down before you hurt yourself. I was just teasing you. But if that's how you're going to respond every time I might just have to do it more often." Beca chuckled.

"Oh my gosh you're such a jerk!" Chloe screeched as she pushed Beca gently. Beca took this opportunity to milk the action by unceremoniously tripping and falling to the ground.

"Beca! I'm so sorry are yo-" She rolled Beca over to find she was laughing uncontrollably.

"You're such an ass!" Chloe yelled as she hit Beca's arm.

"Ouch! Stop! I already told you I don't have any money! Just leave me alone!" Beca shouted loudly.

"You are SUCH a drama queen!" Chloe groaned but still offered her hand for Beca to take. She accepted it and stood.

"I told you I'm not a drama queen, I'm a drama king. And I'm not the one pushing down poor defenseless people and then badgering them afterward." Beca informed, her signature smirk glued in place

"Whatever!" Chloe retorted and stuck her tongue out. Then she and Beca once again resumed their walk. The two walked while in a comfortable (very broad) conversation.

When they did finally reach Beca's house, she attempted to give an actual goodbye.

"So I guess this wasn't THAT awful. Even though you did insult Google, push me down, then proceed to beat me after that." Beca couldn't stop herself from grinning.

"You should be in Drama Club because you're good at over acting!" Chloe teased as she violently poked Beca.

"Drama Club is for dorks dude."

"Hey! It is not! I'll have you know I was in Drama Club!" She stated proudly.

"That only hindered your argument there Red."

"Are you calling me a dork?"

"Well if the shoe fits..." Beca looked away dramatically before she felt Chloe begin to pound at her arm.

"Rebecca Louise Mitchell!" She heard her father shout from the top of the stairs.

"Uh oh... someone looks angry." Beca mocked. Chloe didn't know if she should laugh or be afraid for the smaller brunette.

"Well I have to go deal with this asshole. Bye dork."

""It was nice to talk to you too Beca. I'll see you later." That's usually how goodbyes work." Chloe joked as she once again poked Beca's arm.

"Eh," Beca sighed and shrugged her shoulders before beginning the climb up the steps to her father's house. When she reached the top she peered back and found the redhead hadn't made it that far.

"Hey Chloe!" Beca called out.

"What?!" She yelled back.

"I'll see you tonight!"" Beca shouted. Beca didn't earn an actual response but was rewarded with Chloe's far too contagious smile before the ginger continued on her walk.

Beca then entered her house and was greeted by a less than happy looking father.

"Where have you been!? I've been sitting here for the past hour worried sick! When you didn't get off the bus and you didn't answer my text messages I started to panic! You better start explaining and now!" Phil boomed, his voice traveling through out the whole house.

"Okay first of all you need to back up. Second of all fuck you! You didn't care what happened to me after you left so why start now?"

"You know I've been very respectful of your wishes since you got here and I've kept my distance but now it's time that you start listening to me! Like it or not I am still your father!"

"Really? You could have fooled me Phil!" Both of them were shouting at the top of their lungs.

"Don't take that tone with me young lady!"

"Look Phil, I don't have time for your shit right now! I have a group meeting in an hour and unless you plan on actually taking me there like you're suppose to then I have to go and get ready so I can walk!" Beca went to move around him but he didn't budge.

"No, we're talking about this. You can't just do whatever you want and expect there to be no consequences! It's a wonder your mother made it this far without snapping!" At hearing this Beca lost it. She swung her left hand and and hit Phil with a left cross to the jaw. He doubled back and Beca took the opportunity to tackle him to the ground. Now with him pinned under her she gripped at his collar and pulled his face inches away from hers.

"Don't you EVER talk about my mother again! You have no idea what we went through after you left! So don't you dare for a second think you have any right to criticize her! She did the best she could as a single mother! At least she tried! You didn't even send us money! You selfish fucking bastard! Not only did you not bother to stick around but you completely forgot about us afterwards! Sometimes I fucking hate you so much that I just want to kill you! But I can't because deep down I still fucking love you! I used to worship you! I thought you were like Jesus and then you just left! You make me sick!" Beca spit at the ground next to his head before getting off of him.

"That was a warning Phil. Next time... I'll end you. And that's not a threat. It's a promise. You can say whatever you want about me but don't you ever EVER, talk about my mother again. She did more for me than you ever have." Beca snarled before heading up to her room.

Once in her room Beca locked the door and slouched down to the floor. She had been trying so hard not to cry. So hard not to be weak but... well his comment reminded her that this wasn't a dream. That her mother was really dead and she wasn't coming back. That was something Beca had managed to forget after her failed suicide attempt. Now though she remembered it and it hurt even worse than it did then.

Just wanting to forget about the pain she frantically began to rummage through her room for something, anything, she could use that would take her pain away, even if only for a minute. Scrounging through ever desk and dresser drawer Beca scanned for anything sharp that she could use to cut her skin. She was just about to give up when she spotted it. The answer to everything. There at the very back of one of her junk drawers was a small pencil sharpener. Using the tip of her pinky nail, she unscrewed the solitary screw holding the blade in place. Tipping the sharpener upside down she let the blade and screw fall into the palm of her hand. She discarded everything but the blade on the table top before proceeding to the edge of her bed. Slowly she rolled the sleeve of her flannel shirt up to the elbow and examined the open white canvas in front of her. Gently she ran the tips of her fingers over the now healed cut on her wrist. It was even more smooth than the soft flesh of her arm. She could finish it now. Finish what she had started three weeks ago. All it would take is one precise slice over a vein and she could end all of her problems tonight. The more she thought about it however, the less she wanted to. But only a few weeks ago she had been certain that was what she wanted... Why was she doubting herself now?

Deciding to stop thinking about it and Beca just went for it. Pressing the blade firmly against her skin she applied heavy pressure and slid the blade across her arm. The next thing Beca saw was a stream of red begin to trickle down her arm. It was like watching a masterpiece unfold before her eyes. The way her blood mix so fluidly with the white of her skin, it was a something even Picasso could appreciate. But there was only one stroke on the canvas. In order for a masterpiece there has to be more than one stroke. So once again she placed the blade to her skin. Instead of just putting another gash in her arm she built off of the first. She let the metal edge shred slowly into her skin with every new carving she made. By the time she was half way done with her creation her vision had become blurry from the tears that she refused to let fall. Furiously she wiped at her eyes, trying desperately to remove the stinging distraction that clouded her vision. She was almost done with her masterpiece now. Just a few more stroke from her steel paintbrush and her arm would be the most skilled painting she had done yet. The most skill painting on skin canvas that is.

She made one last stroke before putting the tiny blade to the side and admiring her creation. Holding her arm out in front of her she gazed proudly at the words she had etched into her soft skin; "NO HOPE" it read. It was certainly true for her. There was no hope. It died the night her mother did. It didn't matter to Beca anymore anyways. So what if she didn't kill herself today. That was still the goal. She was just waiting for a better opportunity. That was why she hesitated earlier. It just wasn't the right time yet.

Rising from the edge of her bed Beca felt light headed and a little dizzy. She couldn't worry about that at the moment. She had to cover up her artwork before her father saw it and had a heart attack. (Not like she wouldn't enjoy that.) She quietly opened the door and peeked her head into the hall. No one was around. Confident that the coast was clear she hurriedly tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom. Once safely inside she locked the door and quickly began dressing the cuts on her arm.

They may not have been as thick as a cut that was made by an actual knife but she certainly made sure they went deep, or at least as deep as a pencil sharper blade would allow. Just because it was a small cutting tool didn't mean it couldn't get the job done.

After Beca had washed away the mass majority of the blood that had escaped from her arm, she then took some cloth bandages and wrapped them in white gauze. After pulling the sleeve of her shirt back down her arm , returned to her room. Once inside she took off her flannel and instead put on a sweatshirt. She had just finished pulling the fabric over her head when she heard a knock at her door.

"Go away Phil!" Beca yelled knowing that he probably wanted an apology for her"poor behavior" or something like that.

"It's Sheila." She heard from the other side of the door. Beca inhaled deeply. Sheila wasn't the one she was angry with. It was Phil. Sure at one point she hated the woman, still kind of does, but it's not her fault that Phil's an asshole.

"What?" Beca asked as she ripped her door open. She came face to face with the taller blonde woman.

"Your father asked me to give you a ride to your support group today because he needed to run some errands he forgot about earlier. So are you ready to go?" Beca rolled her eyes.

"Of course he did. Yeah, let's go." Beca groaned before exiting her room and closing the door behind her.

* * *

**A/N:** Also to anyone reading Just Take My Hand, Don't Let Go I am still writing that story as well but I've it writer's block hardcore and haven't bee able to produce anything I am even remotely proud of haha. Don't worry though I am still working on it so don't give up on me yet!


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